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11.5.15

Burnout is Real

I've heard more than one person say to me that this past year hasn't been a great one for them. I can relate. I usually just nod my head in understanding, fully recognizing that I'm not the only one that feels this way. 

Especially around the dawn of 2015, I heard a lot of...
"Not sad to see 2014 end"
"Goodbye 2014... don't let the door hit you on the way out"
"New year's resolution? Not to repeat 2014"

For those of you that know me well, you know I'm a doer. A go-getter. A "get 'er done" gal. Someone that has spent her entire career focused on necessary advanced planning, project deadlines, detailed organization and shooting for excellence. It's how I'm wired. Strange to some of my musician friends I'm sure, but nevertheless, a musician that likes this stuff. I'm an interesting mix of left and right brained- both fighting to take control- and yet somehow working together. (But they often argue!)

This past winter however, God finally got my attention. I didn't just bump the wall, I smacked into it going full speed. For someone that ignores bruises and keeps moving (yes, physically and emotionally... I'm slow that way), my physical symptoms were screaming at me what my mind wasn't wanting to hear. STOP THE STRESS! I didn't see it coming, then BAM. It's typically builds up over a period of time, but most people don't recognize it until the BAM comes. 

Something... no some things had to change. 


Guess what? Burn out is very real, very scary and very lonely. 
I knew I needed help. Gathering up the courage to seek it out was paralyzing, after all, I was the help-er not the help-ee! I was really afraid. But when the moment came when I finally poured it all out, the comforting message was this:

It was time to be still and listen.
It was time to heal and be in repair.
It was time to receive and rediscover.
It was time to step back into the light.

Honestly, this list was difficult and painful not only to digest, but to move into with purpose? Why would I do that? That's not only hard, but I also have no idea how to do it!

I knew it would take brutal honesty with myself, humility and boundaries. None of which I'm particularly stellar at, nor fond of.

So I laid aside my time, my talents, my deadlines and my expectations. God was calling me to discover a kind of soul care that had never occurred to me before. I assumed it was a luxury not afforded to someone like me, and without purposefully thinking about it, I had embraced some untruths that kept me "working hard for the Kingdom" yet losing touch with my soul. This, I accepted, was a recipe for disaster in my life, my marriage and my family.

So here I am.

I'm on a journey of which there's no exact deadline. 
(sigh)

For those that miss my normal routine of time, talent and wrongfully saying yes to everything; I'm sorry, but "no" is what God is asking of me right now.

Actually, I'm not sorry.
Because I am slowly seeing that the hard work of soul care is drawing me closer to Him, lifting me back into His light.

After all, that's all He really wants. 

I'll be writing a series on what I'm learning on this soul care journey. Follow along and feel free to share. It feels good to write again after 9 months, and I hope you will also be blessed by it.

Shalom 

UPDATE: check out some of my current thoughts in my writings for Seedbed.com

A few samples:
Worshiping Through Brokenness & Pain
8 Things Everyone Should Know About Life. An Interview with the Dying
Setting the Stage for Your Day