Evil Cold

If there's one thing I've learned since I've moved to Northern MN, 
it's that the term "cold" is a matter of perspective.

The whole past week here has been so cold that I've decided to dub it 
"evil cold."

It's been so cold that:

The snow crunches and squeaks so loudly under my boots 
that it's like nails on a chalkboard. No lie. It's not music to my ears.

When I walk outside, the hairs in my nose completely freeze.

Trying to get my car doors open is like a game of tug-of-war...
only I don't win unless I brutally beat the door frame first.

Walking from my office to my car, I have a coughing fit due to the wind 
flooding my innocent lungs with "evil cold" air.

Accuweather calls it "chilly." I bet no one from accuweather actually lives here.

I look out at the thermometer outside my kitchen window in the morning.
Instead of the temperature, it says "minus, you don't want to know."

I have to plug in my car every night before bed. This is just strange. 
If I don't plug it in, no amount of pleading will make it start.

Snow has decided not to snow. It's just too cold.

I turn on the Los Angeles weather just to get a good laugh.

"Cold snap" means when I walk out without a good blow-dry to my hair, 
it just snaps in half.

School may or may not be cancelled. Except in Fosston, 
where there would have to be a nuclear explosion to cancel school.

No scraper in the history of mankind is sharp enough to get the ice off my car windshield.
Rule number 1: always warm up the car.
rule number 2: you won't get anywhere quickly, so get that 2nd cup of coffee.

One might venture out to go ice fishing, but only if they have the deluxe model shanty.

Some say with the cold comes less sickness because it kills the germs. 
I work in a hospital. I can tell you that this is wishful thinking.

In this kind of weather, you can't get away with throwing on a hoodie and heading out the door. Not if you want to stay warm...or live.

So yes, it's been an adjustment. I mean, I grew up in the Midwest (Wisconsin) and know what cold is. Or at least I thought I did. 

I miss my shorts and flip flops.
I miss the impromptu walk or sitting on the deck reading my favorite novel.

Did I mention that the Bahamas sound really good about now?

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